I Almost Told You That I Loved You
by Dylixia
Summary: Axel isn't afraid to say the words, but Roxas is terrified of hearing them. 'I love you' means nothing unless you have the heart to receive such feelings. Written for AkuRoku day, 8/13


**I Almost Told You That I Loved You**

Pairing: AkuRoku – Axel x Roxas  
Rating: **M, **for quite a lot of sexy-times.

Additional notes: It's not a PWP- there's a basis to this, I promise. Although, that's the most smut I've ever written in one go. In my opinion, it's pretty crap, but maybe I'm just being picky. Also, contains **spoilers** for the new KH game _358/2 Days_. Nothing major, but the plotline to this was twisted from what I've read about the new game. Still, nothing major is revealed except the existence of Xion, but most of you probably know of her anyways.

Disclaimer: If I owned it, you'd know that this happened in the game. Because it did- but we just didn't get to see it, right?

Un-beta'd and dangerous. Read on at your own risk.

* * *

_**I almost told you that I loved you!  
Thank God I didn't 'cause it would've been a lie!  
I say the damndest things, when you're on top of me,  
I almost told you that I loved you.  
---- **_I Almost Told You That I Loved You by Papa Roach. [Look it up!]

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Axel's lips were hot like fire against Roxas' raindrop-splattered skin. The redhead's long and slender fingers were freed from their leather gloves and were soon twisted around blonde spikes, tugging sharply and eliciting breathy gasps from Roxas' mouth as his own moved against the younger boy's revealed neck. Lapping up a raindrop, Axel felt Roxas shudder against him from where he was pinned up against the white walls of Axel's room.

"Axel…" The blonde panted, not noticing the slight throb of pain exploding in the back of his skull when his head dropped back against the wall.

Eyes fluttering closed at the warm pleasure that Axel was giving him, Roxas tangled pale fingers in wild, strawberry-red spikes and eagerly tugged his head up so that their lips could meet. Crashing their mouths against each other, they slid their tongues together in a heated kiss, lips meeting and parting with thrilling, moist sounds.

Trying to slip a leg in between Roxas' legs- and failing at that- Axel hurriedly fumbled for the zipper of the black leather Organization cloak, working impatiently to jerk it down in the darkness. Once the coat was unzipped, he broke the intense kiss for only a second in favour of pushing the offending object from the younger boy's slender frame.  
After having succeeded in that small task, Axel wasted no time in pressing his thigh up against Roxas' growing erection, drawing a groan from him, which the redhead greedily drank up with his own mouth.

The heat passing between them was almost unbearable. Each kiss or stroke felt like fire, burning into their skin and branding this moment into their memories forever. Still, even the hot touches could not make them forget about the incessant burning of_ emptiness_ in their chests. But the contact provided a sensation that was close enough.

Shivering at the friction that Axel's movements sent crashing through him, Roxas thought- even in his desire-filled state, that it was only fair he return the favour. Although, he couldn't help but believe that this little bout of intimacy between them should be no different to any other interaction they had. It was competition, now. There was nothing like a little competitive streak to really get the fire going in any activity or relationship.

Roxas' hands had a strong grip on Axel's skinny shoulders and it was easy for him to reverse their positions. Axel's back crashed into the wall with a resounding thud, but the redhead simply grunted at the collision, the corner of his lip twisting up in a tiny smirk.

Ignoring his best friend's little display of amusement, Roxas returned the cocky smile. With his forefinger and thumb, he took a hold of the zipper to Axel's coat. The cool metal felt almost freezing against his heated skin. As he dropped to his knees, he pulled the zipper down and flung the coat open.  
Staring intently up at Axel from his position on the floor, the blonde curled his fingers over the waistband of Axel's black pants and dragged them down, inch by inch.  
The older man's acid green eyes narrowed in slight irritation as Roxas deliberately took his time, never breaking eye contact. Electricity seemed to crackle between them because of the tension and pure _want_ they were openly displaying. It wasn't just a want for sex or physical contact that filled the two males, it was the want to forget and to connect. They weren't thirsting for feeling but rather aching for the feeling of _not_ feeling. Of not feeling that hollow cave inside their ribcage.

When Axel's baggy black trousers had been pulled down to his ankles, his long fingers found their way into Roxas' mussed-up hair again and then the blonde head was being gently pulled forwards. Catching his drift, Roxas narrowed his cerulean eyes in a silent defiance. After another, more pleading nudge from Axel, Roxas slowly licked his lips and eyed the erection straining up to kiss the toned stomach he was currently at eye level with.

Remembering that this could be a silent fight between them, Roxas gave in. Axel longed for the pleasure of this intimacy and Roxas knew just how to please him. They'd done this before and that was a fact that Roxas couldn't quite work out but he would save the thoughts about _why_ for later.

Instead, he cleared his mind and wrapped his un-gloved fingers around his friend's dick, leaning forwards and taking just the head into his mouth at first. Sucking gently, he braced himself by holding onto Axel's hip and bobbed his head back and forth. Axel's head was thrown back and his emerald eyes were at half-mast but those cat-like slit irises were trained on the erotic sight in front of him.

Encouraged by the loudening moans pouring from Axel's parted pink lips, Roxas let his own eyes slip closed and took Axel's length in deeper until he felt the dripping head slide down his throat just a little and the tip of his nose was buried in tickling red curls.

Frantically, Axel's shaking hands gripped Roxas' hair harshly enough to rip straw-blonde spikes from his scalp. Opening his eyes, Roxas peered up through thick eyelashes to see Axel's pearly white teeth clamped down on his lower lip, the flush painted across his cheeks only just visible in the dim light of the room. Knowing what this meant, Roxas splayed his fingers out underneath Axel's shirt, feeling the muscles tighten beneath his touch. Sucking harder, he broke Axel's control.

"O-oh, God, Roxas… I…" The taller man trailed off with a deep moan as he came into Roxas' mouth, the latter gagging at the thick white substance shooting down his throat. Choking for air, he swallowed it and wiped his mouth on the back of his hand.

Axel's fingers slid out of his hair and the redhead's knees buckled. Slowly, he sat down against the wall, reaching out to gently caress the Roxas' cheek and pull the blonde towards him for a soft and grateful kiss.

"You know, Roxas… There's something about you that's so… addictive." Reaching forwards, he swiped his tongue over the shell of the younger boy's ear, making him shiver delightfully. "When you're on your knees in front of me, pretty pink mouth wrapped around me like that… I feel this kind of burning inside."

The words were spoken in a sultry, sensual yet serious tone and fear ignited in Roxas as the power behind the statement started to sink in. Snorting, he pulled away from Axel.

"That's called lust, idiot. Don't go deluding yourself." He pushed himself to his feet and swiped his Organization coat up from the floor. His dick was still hard, straining against the confines of his boxers, but his blood was turning to ice and he had to leave before Axel said something they'd both regret.

A little thrown off, Axel quickly got to his feet and frowned at his younger friend. "No, I'm sure this is something else." All traces of playfulness had disappeared completely.

Pausing in the zipping-up of his coat, Roxas turned emotionless yet bright blue eyes to Axel. "You're a Nobody. You can't be sure of anything. No heart, remember?"

With that parting statement, he left Axel alone in the room, his words ringing true in the silence of the night.

* * *

It wasn't too long after that they ended up in a very similar situation. Skin burning as mouths, lips and tongues moved against each other and clothes were ripped from shivering bodies. Earlier that day, they had been sitting atop the clock tower in Twilight Town, eating ice cream bars with Xion. At first, she had been an unwelcome intruder into their friendship because of Axel's mistrust of her. Eventually, she was accepted and the three became very close. Although, no matter how much she was with them lately, this was one thing she would never know.

The kisses tasted of sea-salt ice cream, salty and sweet. The flavour of those long days spent together on the shores of Destiny Island. It was all too familiar but their clouded minds still managed to forget it and what it stood for. That was what _this_ was about; this secret, addictive connection.

This time, it wasn't just hormones and desire scorching through their veins. They could both feel it- those gaping, empty holes in their chests filling in just a little with every pleasurable touch, whispered word or heated kiss. As if there were tiny threads weaving together, both Axel and Roxas could feel an unsteady, unfinished heart forming in that gaping cavern they had each become so accustomed to.

Growing a heart was nothing like either of them had imagined. It was so, so painful. A person with no heart can hardly be called a person, but they can scrape through their meaningless existence. A person with only half a heart? Well, there's nothing worse. The longing is heightened; the burning of _nothing_ is more prominent. Almost an opposite to 'you can't miss what you never had', this agony was created by the half-existence they had unknowingly built for themselves. After all, a shadow cannot existence without light.

More confused and desperate than ever, they moved faster, chests burning and eyes squeezed tightly closed as they pressed up against each other. With one swift movement, Roxas jumped up and swung his legs around Axel's thin waist, locking his ankles against the taller man's back. Grunting a little with the slight alteration to his weight, Axel stumbled towards the messily-made bed, clutching Roxas as closely to him as he could.

Hands cupping the redhead's pale and tattooed face, Roxas engaged him in a passionate kiss, shining the beginnings of these foreign emotions through the meeting of their already swollen lips. Axel returned the kiss with equal vigour, laying Roxas gently down on the firm mattress before crashing down on top of him. His hips ground down in hard, fast movements, his whole body sliding up and down against Roxas' as if he were trying to break through his skin to connect their souls.

Fingers hastily gripping at Axel's trousers, Roxas yanked them down and Axel stopped the kiss in order to look down and kick the annoying item of clothing onto the floor. Noticing that Axel wasn't actually wearing any underwear and his bare erection was pressing into his own uncovered hip- as he had lost most of his clothes earlier on, except for his thin black vest top, thanks to Axel- Roxas rolled his cerulean eyes and retaliated to the other Nobody's amused smirk by rolling his hips upwards so that their heated arousals met once more. Axel almost collapsed at the sudden sensation, his arms buckling at the elbows at the rush of pleasure flowing through him.

It took one awkwardly manoeuvred yet quick movement and then Roxas was on top of Axel. He straddled the redhead's skinny hips, a knee pressing into the mattress on either side of the slim waist. His cerulean eyes, hungry and searching, followed the light trail of red hair leading down the older man's abdomen to the recently revealed area which he just couldn't keep his gaze from. Hastily, his hands followed. Gripping Axel's weeping erection tightly, Roxas swallowed the other Nobody's desperate sighs and needy noises in a heated kiss.

Shifting atop the older man, Roxas trailed a hand down Axel's toned chest, enjoying the smoothness of the hairless skin and the quickening rise and fall of it as he sucked in breath. His movements stopped when his fingertips breezed over the skin above his best friend's heart. A sudden sense of solemnity took over him before he pushed the depressing thoughts away. He refused to think about the assumed emptiness he thought that he could feel beneath his palm.

His hand lay still against Axel's chest but his eyes burned into the other's for any hint of what was going on in his mind. There was nothing; only the thick, hazy fog of lust that had long since taken over.

Then, Roxas remembered how they ended up in this intimate position in the first place. The longing that had filled him, the need for connection and to soothe this uncomfortable throbbing that lingered in the space where his heart should be. He wasn't used to it. Naturally, like any other teenage boy, confused by an onslaught of emotion, he had run to the one he knew could at least understand, maybe even ease the pain. Maybe Axel was right, and this thing they had- whatever it was- was addictive.

Seeing the look of need in Axel's jade eyes, that was so surely reflected in his own, Roxas crossed his arms across his chest and tugged his shirt up and over his head, tossing it into some corner of the dark room. Running his fingers up Axel's hot length, he collected the drops of pre-come that had beaded at the head. He kept his eyes on Axel's face as he slowly pushed his fingers into his own mouth, tasting Axel's essence coating the digits. Sucking noisily, he made his fingers slick with spit before bringing them down to circle his entrance. Axel watched quietly, biting his lip in anticipation as Roxas bent his hand and pushed his fingers into himself.

Thrusting them shallowly, he decided not to waste time preparing himself thoroughly. He was ready for this already and knew there was no point in carrying on doing it unless he wanted to tease Axel. But at this stage, he was too desperate himself and would probably have to maim Axel if the redhead didn't get inside him soon.

Bracing himself with one hand against Axel's chest, Roxas curled the fingers of his other hand around Axel's length and held it at his prepared entrance as he slowly lowered himself, taking the older man inch by inch. There was a slight twinge of pain when the redhead was fully sheathed but Roxas distracted himself by crashing his lips to Axel's in a bruising kiss.

From then on, it was all lips, tongues, skin, friction and _heat._ It was easy to lose themselves in the physical connection, Roxas moving faster and harder above Axel, rolling his hips and murmuring his best friend's name, the mantra broken by breathy moans.

Pale but hot hands gripped at Roxas' hips fiercely, fingers digging into the flesh hard enough to leave rose-red marks to slowly fade back into the already flushed-pink skin. They moved in unison, hands roaming and fingers curling against each other's chests, right above where those new hearts were forming. As they both reached their climaxes, Roxas first, shortly followed by Axel, their eyes- blurred with the buzzing in their bodies- met and a silent understanding was exchanged.

The words, those three little words, were burning on the tip of Roxas' tongue. His body was alive and on fire with the pleasure of orgasm but the simple sentence was like acid or ice in his mouth. Opening his mouth, he almost let them slip out. At the last minute, he slammed his mouth shut and tightened his lips into a slight frown.

It seemed though, that Axel only needed that one moment of hesitation to steal those words. Catching his breath, he slid his hands up Roxas' bare, sweat-slicked back, and into the messy blonde hair. Feline eyes sincere and meaningful, filled with a frightening emotion, he whispered to Roxas, "I love you."

Panic replaced the pleasant buzz of hormones in the redhead's blood when all he received in return was a blank, almost disappointed stare. Suddenly, Roxas jumped into motion, clambering off of Axel in a not-so careful way, the latter letting out a hiss of discomfort.

"Damn it, Axel! Why are you set on _ruining_ this?" The blonde demanded, storming into the bathroom to clean himself up.

"Stop it, Roxas." Axel sighed, running a hand through his sweat-soaked hair as he pushed himself up and off the bed in order to follow Roxas. Leaning against the doorframe of the en-suite bathroom, he watched the younger male clamber into the shower, regardless of the fact that the boiler was awful in Castle Oblivion and the water was no doubt stone cold.

"Stop what?"Roxas stiffly retorted, standing directly beneath the stream of water and letting it cascade into his hair and face.

Lowering his pained gaze to the white tiled floor, Axel breathed deeply before stepping into the shower cubicle after Roxas. "Stop denying that you're feeling something. I know you are."

"Oh yeah? Prove it, Axel. Prove that I'm feeling something by being with you." The blonde scowled up at his taller friend, eyes blazing with challenge.

"It's not just when you're with me, but it's more when you are. Sometimes, I hear it. When you're with me, and we're together; maybe just laying in my bed together, pressed so close and holding each other so tightly, Ifeel it." Axel said quietly, stepping under the showerhead.

Roxas scoffed cynically. "I told you. It's lust."

"You can't hear lust, dummy." When Roxas opened his mouth to reply with a cocky retort, Axel cut him off with a short, husky laugh. "You moaning and begging for more doesn't count."

Roxas' lapis lazuli eyes narrowed. "I don't _beg._" There was a smirk playing on the edge of his lips but it faded away as Axel's expression returned to seriousness again.

Taking a hold of Roxas' hand, the other Nobody turned it around so that the palm was facing the blonde's own chest. Gently pushing, he pressed it flat against the skin over his heart. Silently, he waited.  
Then he did the same to himself. Roxas' large blue eyes widened even further.  
Beneath his palm, beneath his flesh and ribcage, was a faint, unsteady beating. Heavy, slow thuds which seemed to echo through his mind and maybe in the room around them.

"A.. heartbeat?" Roxas choked out, eyes darting from side to side in his disbelief. "That's impossible."

"No, it isn't. It obviously isn't." Axel was considerably calmer, acting as if this little thing made no difference to him, didn't make him feel vulnerable and child-like as Roxas was feeling at that moment.

Squeezing his eyes shut, Roxas fought back surprised tears. It seemed, that once he acknowledged its sort-of presence, this weak heart of his became overwhelming. Stumbling forwards, he crashed into Axel's water-slick chest and curled his arms around his waist. Hot hands rubbing soothingly at his back, Axel comforted Roxas in the only way he knew how to right then.

"What are we going to do now, Axel?" Roxas' voice sounded lifeless, stunned into forgetting enthusiasm for receiving what they had longed for for so long.

"I don't know." Axel replied truthfully, tightening his hold on Roxas. "I don't know, but we'll figure it out."

"At least we're not just drifting through life anymore." Roxas mused, fingers curling against the skin of Axel's back.

"At least you love me back now." Teased Axel, and Roxas simply pulled away from him, smiling just a little.

"I never said that." He pointed out, raising a golden eyebrow at the gleeful look on the paler man's face.

"Nah," Axel agreed, leaning down to rest his forehead against Roxas', nuzzling his nose gently with his in a strange imitation of an Eskimo kiss.

Then he pressed his warm lips to the blonde's in a sweet, proper kiss. "You don't have to."

Laughing his trademark, soft and silky laugh, Roxas smiled thoughtfully and circled his arms around Axel's neck, still feeling the water droplets from the shower falling like rain around them. Their chests pressed together, they could feel the faint beating of their hearts and the light sounds were in unison. It was a nice, comforting feeling and it fitted them perfectly.

Roxas buried his face in Axel's neck and replied, "Because we both know it's true."

* * *

**Argh,** this was hard. And it didn't come out the way I wanted it to, but it was rushed. Up before AkuRoku day because I'm going to be in France on Friday (Woot!) and won't be returning until after AkuRoku day, so I figured better earlier than late.

Please, reviews are appreciated very much whether they are positive or negative. Critique welcomed.

Thanks a lot,  
Connie/MCNR  
x


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